those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
