i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
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I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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