She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
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i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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