Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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