If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
