Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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