i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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