using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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