my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
