i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
