Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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