i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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