I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
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You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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