dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I want to have your abortion
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
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You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
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I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.