I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
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She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
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Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.