I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night