Just fell off a train. Bad.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
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Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable