he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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