whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
