I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
