please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
