The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
