I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
