I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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