This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
