$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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