I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
PANTIES FOUND
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
