do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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