Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
