the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
