Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm having to shit out rocks
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