What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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