I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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