They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
