Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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