I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
