Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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