Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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