did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
