I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
