i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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