So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
