It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
