if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
