As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
