I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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