So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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