Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
