yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Don't make out with my wife yet
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
