Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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