Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
