I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
