GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
