They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
