so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
