OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize
