I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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