Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I wish there were birth control emojis
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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