u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I need to stop coming to work sober
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
