Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
