Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
