dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
