I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
