So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
