you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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