Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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